Friday, May 13, 2011

Just Ask, Regain the Art of Asking

Special piece for proud mothers, fathers, and anyone in between…

As a parent, have you ever wondered why your kids ask so much? They seem to have endless questions. And when they don’t get what they asked, they….cry, which is another way of asking. Grownups, however, forget the art of asking. So I am asking, why do you think there is a difference between kids and adults when comes to asking?

The reason, I think, lies in a fear of rejection. Adults, me included, have egos. And egos are like shoes, come in different sizes. When you start asking, you risk the consequence of being told, NO! So, most of the time, the fear overwhelms you, and you tell self No before even asking. You may very well get a no, anyway, so, why bother.

Kids, on the other hand, have very small sized (act out) egos. And trust me; they are well aware of that. When they desire for something, they don’t self-doubt themselves, they simply ask. Quite often, you will find these questions range anywhere from reasonable, to regrettable to ridicules.

Not only do they ask, they also ask multiple times, in various forms, in order to get what they desire. “Mom, Can I have this?” “No. How about that?” “I love you, Mom, but if you give me that, I will love you more” No matter what techniques they use, the message is loud and clear-- they are not afraid to ask for what they want.

I am not a behavior scientist, I am nevertheless keen on asking why some people are more successful than others, my answer is, they succeed because they not only ask, they ask more and they keep asking.

Don’t these people be considered as needy? You might ask. Fair enough, the difference, however, according to their individual definitions, needy people either have disasters and manmade reasons to have little means to support themselves, or have low or no self-confidence, so they rely on emotional and material support of others. While persistent people know the support they need is the wings to help them take off, so they only ask what exactly they need and when they need it.

When you ask, make sure don’t ask wrong questions. When you are stopped by a policeman, and he thought you are speeding, what’s the first thing he will ask you, “How fast had you been driving?” Do you think he will ever ask, how slow had you been driving?

Similarly, we want to get certain results, like a pay raise, bonus, promotion, etc, we need to ask the right questions. Something like, I have just saved million dollars for the organization, what should I do to have a bigger role to save the company even more?

The right questions open doors, and windows, encourage discussions, deepen relationships and create a learning environment. They are necessary in any relationship, be it at work or at home.

So next time, when you hear a kid keep asking, ask yourself, do I need to start asking as well? However, no one in this world gets what he or she wants, not even a fraction of that. Professor Randy Pausch, author of the Last Lecture, once said, experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.

The next time when you ask and get rejected, think like a kid. You won’t be asking, are there anything worse than the humiliation or embarrassment than the sound of a NO? Instead, do what a kid would do. They cry, they shrug off and they move on.

Monday, May 09, 2011

5 Tips to Gain Resilience and Bounce Back From Lows

Several years ago, I felt I was the anathema of the world: struck with a job that drained my energy like a vampire, day in and day out. Getting up becomes a chore. I woke up in the middle of a night, dreadful of repetitive tasks ahead. Like a boat drifting along a river without a direction, I had a low moment in life.

As humans, who hasn’t had such lows in life? Bad economy, sluggish job market, layoffs, uncertainties, life sometimes turns unexpectedly, whether we are prepared or not. Friends, familiar locations and comfortable surroundings give way to an unknown terrain, dark deep channels with no light in sight, crossroads waiting to choose, what should you do? Here are 5 tips for you:

  1. You need to eat well and sleep 8 hours a night. It helps lift you up. Don’t let yourself down just because life shuts down on you. Better, get up at 4 and do some physical activities. If you forget nutritious meals and stay up at night, you will not only finish today poorly, but start off tomorrow on a wrong foot. No matter how tough the situation, remember to keep the priority, you, front and center.
  2. Create value. Just because you are down, doesn’t mean you don’t have something of value to offer. Quite the opposite, since you have free time on hand; it could be the perfect time to be creative. Start from yourself, write down 10 ideas for your dream job, if you done that, treat self for a cake and come back to write 20 more. How about establishing a Facebook page for your friends’ shop, get 50 new connections through Linkedin?
  3. Open up for all opportunities. Someone once said, there is never lack of chances, only lack of guided eyes. During the good times, we become so used to staying inside a comfort zone that we don’t always look for other opportunities. However, when you are low, chances are you need whatever available to get you out of the stinky swamp. Get out and show up at social events, speak up and seek help.
  4. Give out for free. Offer your time and expertise to help others, mentor a youth, take care of your sister’s kids while she works, and make a speech to your middle school about the importance of education. Give and you will receive.
  5. Read a lot, write a lot. Forget the “to do” list, Create an “I did” list. From time to time, you need to remind how much you have achieved. Forget the situation; forgive someone in your life. Who doesn’t like the feeling of completion and forgiveness?

To combat the life’s low, my action plan is: treat self well, Lift self up from the bad situation, keep moving, pay attention to knocks of Mr. Opportunities, make self valuable. Create things that people will need and like, give these things out for free. Finally, remember how much you have done, and keep doing the right things.

Years later, I quit that job, start writing stories and editing articles, I also found another one I am passionate about and jumping out the bed every morning. The boat I am sitting in is steadily moving forward, I can feel breeze blows my face, picturesque sceneries swaying by.

Are you on board? Share with me your tips by leaving a comment.

 
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