Shanghai: quips of the day

just can't get enough of Shanghai? here is how they announce stops in a Shanghai bus,(for the safety of your pc screen, don't watch while eating or drinking)

“Hello, Fellow passengers, welcome to ride No. 926 high quality service bus... ... please ride with civilization, do not urine or shit in the car."

"Everybody needs to walk toward inside, the senior, the weak, the sick, the pregnant, please squats under the quoin and the hull, In order to avoid crowds and thus get hurt...

"The next station, the Ruijin road, the passenger who do not have the ticket please buy the ticket, the physical challenged passengers, please get off... ... "

"In order to support Shanghai’s Olympics bidding, our vehicle crew has carried out English competition service, we ask everybody to show your English language certificate, the passenger with below four levels please transfer in the Chengdu north road, get to a No. 926 small bus service... ... "

"Next station, Sinan road. The front door, center door and the back door have been broken, please open each windows and ready to exit…"

"Next station, south Shaanxi road. Fellow passengers, “one that is crammed to death equals one reduction in our population" is our national policy, the passenger who have difficulty in breathing please prepare ahead of time, nearby funeral and burial hall telephone is 65.949494, you also may dial the service hot line 16,999 to cancel your registered permanent address... ... "

"Next station, Changshu road. In order to make the ongoing convention in my city a success, we start to inspect your three cards, everybody, prepare the ID card, permanent resident card and the work permit card. Passengers with less than three cards, we suggested you do not jump off, if you still want to be a Shanghai comrade, please prepare the ransom money."

"Now it is 8:55Am, terminal Wan Tiguan arrives, fellow comrades, please reorganize your own clothing, let us all have a full enthusiasm, to meet the new day-long challenge!"