Just Ask, Regain the Art of Asking

Special piece for proud mothers, fathers, and anyone in between…

As a parent, have you ever wondered why your kids ask so much? They seem to have endless questions. And when they don’t get what they asked, they….cry, which is another way of asking. Grownups, however, forget the art of asking. So I am asking, why do you think there is a difference between kids and adults when comes to asking?

The reason, I think, lies in a fear of rejection. Adults, me included, have egos. And egos are like shoes, come in different sizes. When you start asking, you risk the consequence of being told, NO! So, most of the time, the fear overwhelms you, and you tell self No before even asking. You may very well get a no, anyway, so, why bother.

Kids, on the other hand, have very small sized (act out) egos. And trust me; they are well aware of that. When they desire for something, they don’t self-doubt themselves, they simply ask. Quite often, you will find these questions range anywhere from reasonable, to regrettable to ridicules.

Not only do they ask, they also ask multiple times, in various forms, in order to get what they desire. “Mom, Can I have this?” “No. How about that?” “I love you, Mom, but if you give me that, I will love you more” No matter what techniques they use, the message is loud and clear-- they are not afraid to ask for what they want.

I am not a behavior scientist, I am nevertheless keen on asking why some people are more successful than others, my answer is, they succeed because they not only ask, they ask more and they keep asking.

Don’t these people be considered as needy? You might ask. Fair enough, the difference, however, according to their individual definitions, needy people either have disasters and manmade reasons to have little means to support themselves, or have low or no self-confidence, so they rely on emotional and material support of others. While persistent people know the support they need is the wings to help them take off, so they only ask what exactly they need and when they need it.

When you ask, make sure don’t ask wrong questions. When you are stopped by a policeman, and he thought you are speeding, what’s the first thing he will ask you, “How fast had you been driving?” Do you think he will ever ask, how slow had you been driving?

Similarly, we want to get certain results, like a pay raise, bonus, promotion, etc, we need to ask the right questions. Something like, I have just saved million dollars for the organization, what should I do to have a bigger role to save the company even more?

The right questions open doors, and windows, encourage discussions, deepen relationships and create a learning environment. They are necessary in any relationship, be it at work or at home.

So next time, when you hear a kid keep asking, ask yourself, do I need to start asking as well? However, no one in this world gets what he or she wants, not even a fraction of that. Professor Randy Pausch, author of the Last Lecture, once said, experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.

The next time when you ask and get rejected, think like a kid. You won’t be asking, are there anything worse than the humiliation or embarrassment than the sound of a NO? Instead, do what a kid would do. They cry, they shrug off and they move on.